The following excerpt is from “Talks to Teachers on Psychology and to Students on Some of Life’s Ideals” by William James.  Pub. 1899 by Longman's, Green & Company, London, New York, Bombay. This was written long before “ADHD” and “hyperfocus” were used to name the following descriptions. This is so insightful and encouraging:

One more point, and I am done with the subject of attention. There is unquestionably a great native variety among individuals in the type of their attention. Some of us are naturally scatterbrained, and others follow easily a train of connected thoughts without temptation to swerve aside to other subjects. This seems to depend on a difference between individuals in the type of their field of consciousness. In some persons this is highly focalized and concentrated, and the focal ideas predominate  in determining association. In others we must suppose the margin to be brighter, and to be filled with something like meteoric  showers of images, which strike into it at random, displacing the focal ideas, and carrying association in their own direction. Persons of the latter type find their attention wandering every minute, and must bring it back by a voluntary pull. The others sink into a subject of meditation deeply, and, when interrupted, are 'lost' for a moment before they come back to the outer world. The possession of such a steady faculty of attention is unquestionably a great boon. Those who have it can work more rapidly, and with less nervous wear and tear. I am inclined to think that no one who is without it naturally can by any amount of drill or discipline attain it in a very high degree. Its amount is probably a fixed characteristic of the individual. But I wish to make a remark here which I shall have occasion to make again in other connections. It is that no one need deplore unduly the inferiority  in himself of any one elementary faculty. This concentrated  type of attention is an elementary faculty: it is one of the things that might be ascertained and measured by exercises in the laboratory. But, having ascertained it in a number of persons, we could never rank them in a scale of actual and practical mental efficiency based on its degrees. The total mental efficiency of a man is the resultant of the working together of all his faculties. He is too complex a being for any one of them to have the casting  vote. If any one of them do have the casting vote, it is more likely to be the strength of his desire and passion, the strength of the interest he takes in what is proposed. Concentration, memory, reasoning power, inventiveness, excellence of the senses, -all are subsidiary to this. No matter how scatter-brained the type of a man's successive fields of consciousness may be, if he really care for a subject, he will return to it incessantly from his incessant  wanderings, and first and last do more with it, and get more results from it, than another person whose attention may be more continuous during a given interval, but whose passion for the subject is of a more languid and less permanent sort. Some of the most efficient workers I know are of the ultra-scatterbrained type. One friend, who does a prodigious quantity of work, has in fact confessed to me that, if he wants to get ideas on any subject, he sits down to work at something else, his best results coming through his mind-wanderings. This is perhaps an epigrammatic exaggeration on his part; but I seriously think that no one of us need be too much distressed at his own shortcomings in this regard. Our mind may enjoy but little comfort, may be restless and feel confused; but it may be extremely efficient all the same.

The whole topic of relationships is one which permeates every area of our lives in one way or another. Yet we so often take relationships for granted. Coaching can help uncover our needs for them, and help clarify which ones are beneficial for us, and how to nurture them, if they are.

We are made to have relationships. Our first one was in the womb with our mother. Next, it was out of the womb with our mother, and then with other near relatives. Later, with our friends on the playground. Then come adult relationships in family, social and work settings. And of course, we can't leave out romantic and spousal relationships. The better our relationships with others are, especially those who affect our life the most, the better off we are in so many ways. So it makes sense to invest in our relationships, in finding what does and doesn't make them work. 

First on the list might be to figure out what our absolutely indispensable needs in a relationship are, what needs are semi optional, and what are things we don't need at all. We certainly can't expect to get everything we want, and even if we did, that might not be what's actually best for us in the long run. These needs will vary depending on the particular type of relationship. Second, we could list what things we are able to give to the relationship. What we could become able to give, and also what we will never be able to give. After careful scrutiny of these lists, we can come up with an idea of whether each relationship is worth having. For example, we have a need for someone to do fun things with, and we have a need for a friend to be reliable. Is our need for fun activities with someone great enough that it isn't cancelled out when a friend shows  severe/moderate/slight tendencies to be unreliable? We can't have everything perfect in a relationship, so finding an appropriate balance of good vs bad vs OK can be helpful. Making pro and con lists on paper can make things more obvious. Also, something is to be said for sheer gut instinct or intuition about these matters, and these should also be explored, and even added to the list.

To discover what is the best relationship one can have, I like to put first things first and deal with my relationship with God. What are the essential elements there? Number one is Love. What does that entail? Forgiveness, long-suffering, kindness, faithfulness, patience. These are what God has for me, and what, if I don't want to be a hypocrite, I should have for others. God has these for us because He really, really wants to have a relationship with us, and it cost Him plenty, but it's worth it to Him. Is my relationship worth having with this person? There can be a surprising number of reasons why or why not, if careful thought is given to this. If it is, then following God's template of love is the way to go. It is expensive, but always worth the cost. The results of such a relationship are priceless.

Is it just me, or are the persimmons much bigger this year? Even after drying them in the oven for three days, they haven’t shrunk enough to fit into the dehydrator. Will our electricity bill bankrupt us this year? How many more days of drying in the oven will it take to get them small enough to fit?

I mentioned this to my Vietnam born and bred husband who, as usual, had an instant, outside the box solution to the problem. I say unusual because it didn’t fit my expectations of what the solution would be. I like my hachiya dried persimmons whole. The best variety is one I hang on a screen for a month. The sugars from inside the fruit eventually come to the surface, powdering the delicacies with a fine white dust. But, that takes too much time, so I succumbed a couple of years ago to drying them first in the oven at a warm setting and then transferring them to a dehydrator after they were small enough to fit. They don’t retain the lovely orange color, and are brown instead, but they still taste fantastic. However, THIS YEAR, even after three days in the oven, they still don’t fit.  How can I make the dehydrator shelves tall enough so the fruit will fit?

My husband told me to slice them in half. What?? I wanted him to tell me how to make the dehydrator fit the persimmons so they could retain their beautiful appearance. They’re supposed to be lovely pear shaped whole fruit in their finished state. Everybody knows that! No way am I going to mutilate my precious persimmons like that!!!

 …………alright. So that is how you innovated the banana dehydrating process in Vietnam to drastically shorten the drying time of your millions of bananas each year. And they tasted sweeter, to boot.  Well, maybe it’s worth considering.

Change is never easy. We want to hang on to the old way of doing things, even if it wasn’t working, because it is familiar. And there is a sort of twisted comfort in that. But that just leads to continued failure and frustration. The tipping point comes when the frustration becomes so great, that change to a potentially more ideal situation becomes enticing.

We are now at the point of letting go of the old and entertaining the new.

Wow, the persimmons could be done in half the time, AND taste better, too! We’ll be able to pay our electricity bill this month. I can make that pot roast for dinner tonight, after all! And all I need to do is get those persimmons out of the oven and start slicing.

Are there any monster persimmons in your life? Are you tired of trying to fit them in to the dehydrator of tradition? Maybe it’s time to say goodbye to the old way of doing/thinking    about   things/yourself. Time to mourn it’s passing, and the passing of it’s coexisting frustrations, and begin the transition to a new way/outlook. Be open to suggestions from others. They might come when you least expect it. Or from yourself, as you muse about your circumstance during a coaching session, or otherwise. Give yourself time and opportunity to consider the possibilities and rewards of change. Then, after weighing the pros and cons of change, take a deep breath and move forward to a better way ;)